Meanttobelater

Have you ever felt like you were ment to be with someone but it’s not supposed to be right now? Like you’ve met eachother sooner than you were supposed to? I have. I do. It’s that almost-ex I keep talking about. Although I do love him (I think), I don’t love him like that. And if he would ask me for us to be a couple I would probably say no. Right now, that is. Because I just can’t shake the feeling that we SHOULD be together. I don’t know when and I don’t know how but it feels unavoidable. And he feels the same way.

We’ve talked about it, simply because it keeps coming up almost every single time we have a conversation. Somebody makes a joke about how we used to date and BAM, the elephant has appeared in the room. I feel just as awkward every single time, like it’s somehow dangerous to say it out loud. Or write it down. Especially since he now has a girlfriend. One who is even younger than him than I am. One he even says he don’t think it will last with. On this point I don’t understand him (and I have yet to see the good in her) but as long as he’s happy, as long as she makes him happy, I’m fine with it. Because right now I don’t love him like that. I just love him (atleast I think I do) as a friend.

Idon’tlikewhoyouareanymore

You’ve changed.

Ifight

Probability

It’s not only probability, it’s also wishful thinking.

Thecowardswayout

I actually really truly want you as a friend, but it’s clear you don’t want the same. No matter how much I try, I can’t put you in the friend zone without your help. And so maybe we should just skip this altogether, it may be the cowards way out, but it’s easier that way. At least then I wouldn’t want to slap you all the time.

Acompleteidiot

I feel like a complete idiot. I’ve turned into a stalker, and I hate it! I’m angry with me for doing this, him for making me do this and for saying what he said and now doing what he does. I want to slap him and I want to kiss him. Which just makes me want it even more. It’s a bad cirkle and I hate myself for it.

Attherighttime

I’ve seen too many movies, I think all of us have. Movies where everybody manages and dares to say what they really think perfectly at the right time. That’s not real life. I consider myself an open and brave person, yet I rarely, if ever, say what I really want to say more than in my head. When it’s go time, I freeze and everything comes out the wrong way.

Next time I see him I just want to tell him not to overthink what I’m about to and kiss him. Nothing else. Sounds simple enough, doesn’t it? And I’m not the slightest bit scared of doing just that … now. Once the moment comes I bet things will work out very differently. Unfortunately.

This is what I like and hate the most about life, things never turn out the way you plan them to.

Moviesinreallife

I’m lonely. I don’t want to be lonely. But I am. I miss all of the important people and I don’t even have some of them. Movies in real life would be nice. Or just people doing what I wished they would do so that I can take chances. I know how that sounds, but if I do too much right now, that would screw up other things. So much for new years resolutions.

Toiletmistakes

Never make a decision when you need to pee.
  – Leonard Cohen

Needforsex

Oh. My. God. I want sex! Need sex! But I can’t have it. Especially not right now. And it sucks and it’s really not enough but masturbation is all I have right now. Damn life/you/my body for turning me on this bad!